lost in a world where right is left and left is right and everything that was once in place around u takes flight/everything thats at a slow pace moves fast and where am i
still sitting there doin tha same ass thang. its not that i dont wanna move
its that i cant move
i wish i could though, and im working on it
spiritual and mental paralysis aint no joke
i aint got it though, just all the symptoms with out the diagnosis
help
me
help me, im fighting a battle with no armor or weapons
help me
at least give me motivation to keep on moving
im out

right now i just want to lay out and just put my thoughts on pause
its not that i'm tired of them, its just that they bring too many emotions
no doubt things are going beautifully now
but i'm missing something.
yeah i know that you may be wondering what it is
hell, i dont even know. its just not there.
whatever it is can make my smile slowly fade away, make me cross my arms and lean up on a table or lay back on a couch and close my eyes
tears arent present much and i dont wanna shed any
well, i do, but i dont because my tears make me feel alone
theres no one there to lean on when i cry
i remember when one of my close friends cried on my shoulder
she was just crying so hard and i couldnt do anything but say it would be okay
rub her on her back and let her cry
there is no one here like that for me
everyone is too far away right now, so its me and my pillow
me and my pillow
i'm definitely not depressed
I'M IN THE MIDDLE OF MY SENIOR YEAR
i'm excited, happy, loving it
but empty somewhere
whats the missing piece of the puzzle.

Lecture 5: SIT DOWN...now my complex ppl STAND UP

For all of those who dislike one for being different and proud of their sense of individuality, SIT DOWN! Okay, back to my 'students', when a person dislikes you because you're different I think that it is because they want to be different but are to caught up with everyone else to actually be bold enough to step out. Yeah, so what, I would wear suspenders and a regular collar shirt with some blue jeans, and yes the suspenders can have pink and orange monkeys on it with a green background...as long as the orange stands out and my shirt is orange! Does my complexity offend. I mean, think about it...its tight. You gotta like me enough to dislike me, you know. I've lectured on love like and hate...remember the link between like and hate or love and hate? If not then you haven't read it (scroll down and read it, then come back to this one). Either way it goes, if you are indeed complex and like it...write it on ya forehead. Well, not exactly if you dont want to, but, yea, show it. Dont be scurred to stand out. It gives you a lot of attention and I have a LOT of friends (explain to me how i got 203 contacts in my phone and 245 numbers please, i dont know how they got there). People like me because of who I am...then people dont. And for the record I dont have those suspenders, but I will be looking, and the loud polo...I think I'll get one and put my name on the front. I'm tired of these folks bein basic. Do you. I wanna go and learn how to skateboard really well, and I plan on it. I dont give a damn if 'black folks' dont do it, cuz if they dont then nobody knows Lupe Fiasco, Skateboard P, or anyone else. lol, this lecture is over. Class is dismissed. Trivia question (and if u cant answer then SHAME ON YOU) Who is Skateboard P? Come on, you know who it is....

just a thought

the unique and complex are set out regardless of how they try to hide. i used to hide along with the average until i was trapped in my own being...so i wish to be set free as of this day and this time. i remain a trapped goddess through it all

Lecture 4:Dont Turn Away...
(this lecture was written for no one in particular...it just popped up in my mind while my fingers were on the keyboard and thats that...enjoy)

We're in this thang strong and undevided, so why let go of my hand? I still dont understand? If promised to go undevided and never divided which is basically the same thing, I dont see how one could just up and go. Whose hand can you hold on to if you let go of your lifeline? Thats what I want to know. Would you rather struggle to survive, wither up and die, rather than take help when needed, walk away from help when its offered. Thats like turning your back on God, in most cases, thats the hand that you're holding anyway. Would you rather cry alone forever or have a shoulder to cry on every blue, purple, green moon? I'd take the shoulder anyday, not everyday. Would you walk away from those who you seemed to depend on, not knowing that they were possibly depending on you more? I dont understand. What could make one do something like leaving everyone behind to persue an unknown destination...what if you failed? Not to state the conspicuous, but you would be quite ashamed to go back empty handed, let alone go back at all. What causes one to disown and pretend and tend to forget who they were with in the first place, to forget who got them where they are now, even? Some, well, most cant answer, and I cant either. 'Oh, i just wanna do my own thang..." thats what they may say, but you can do ya own thang without forgetting where you were from and who was there with you...and holding on to God's hand. You just cant do that. Don't forget about your people when you decide to go somewhere, stay in touch, keep in contact...pray. If those you were around seem to change, try your best to stay the same, dont change because they did. Keep you eyes ahead, but stay focused on whats behind you, in the end when you slip, fall, buss ya head, scrape ya knee...they will be able to help you up. If you forget about them, they may as well just let you lay there until you have the sense to get up. This is your lecture for the day, hope you took the time to think on it and enjoy it. Class is dismissed.

Hey Tim thanks for sparkin some inspiration

to my baby (ask and i may not tell who it is lol)

yesterday we were talking and we talked about each others relationships (well, ur relationship and how i would help...i'm still single lol) and I shake my head at the fact that I cant exactly chill with you like I really want to. You say I hold a special place in your heart, in fact you left it in a message last night. Today I told you how I felt you held that special place too, and how I hope it never is left empty. You blushed. You know what I say to that...
well, everytime you blush I want to kiss your cheeks, then go to those soft lips
STOP! Now I'm thinking about your kisses and how soft those lips are
In the future, in our hellasexy relationship that we may/will have
I'll kiss you constantly, in return you kiss me constantly...I go from cheeks to lips to eyelids to neck...outline your lips with my tongue, all of that, cuz I know you like that
gosh, let me get to the point, you know I love you, and if and WHEN we get together for something serious it will be hella special. With that, I have to go...thinkin bout them lips again lol
(now ppl will want to know who you are)

Lecture 3: Tha Weatha-man (Who Knows)

The weather is unpredictable. Just tha other day they said it would be storming throughout the day, but hey there wasnt a drop. Yep. Sometimes you never know. I mean you could think it was the end of something, when its really just the beginning. I thought me and my friend were falling off on the wayside, in reality I think we're just getting closer. Tha weatha-man cant tell you when all will go good. Well, he could, but its not always going to go down like that. He can say, well yall just gon have a few storms and a lotta sunny days...nothin major. Turns out yall have hurricanes, floods, and one dry day...which you come wrongly prepared for with your umbrellas and rain boots (even though i dont know many who even own rain boots lol). You get what I'm saying though. What you think will really be nothing can really be a big part of who you are. I met a friend through a friend one day in April...he was the first person who loved a certain artist like i did (*caugh* musiq) and listened to certain people as much as I did (*caugh*andre benjamin and antwan patton). In other cases, I made friends with someone and didnt think it would go as far as hello...but it went as far as love. The weather can say one thing, then go the other way. Its just how HE works (not tha weatha-man on whatever channel u watch), and no matter what, one should appreciate it, right? Who's ya weatha-man? You know that there is one person who always tells you how somethin is gonna end up...at least one. So who is it? I'll tell you my weatha-man (someone who wont look at this page until far after I've recieved a degree in recording arts). Give it up for tha weatha-man, he does what he can. I know, u cant stand him, but hey, he gotta make it somehow right lol. But then he can leave you outside in the cold tellin you theres a high of 92 degrees, so you're sittin out there in a pair of shorts and sleeveless shirt or wife beater and a blizzards about to come through. Never mind, dont give it up for him, kick his ass. Class is dismissed. (lol)

(sorry tim, it sounded like a good title lol)

Caramel Goodness (not a lecture...yet)

sounds good...caramel goodness
surrounded by chocolate
my kinda guy
caramel in the middle (kinda like a snickers, i love snickers)
almost melting on the tongue
sugar rushes
high blood pressure (maybe not all of that)
hypertension?
Sweet kisses, sweet words, and a sweet touch
one that makes you smile
makes you feel like you glow
like you have a lifetime supply of the tastiest nigga around
dont you feel good (well, wouldnt you?)
and for guys, it can be the other way around
caramel goodness, where the hell are you? (I'm asking for them, I think I have some already for now lol)

Lecture 2: Whats on Your Mind?

Everyone has that one friend that seems obviously stressed out sometimes, or is conspicuous when something is on their mind. I know I do. Everyone can be like that, especially me. At those given moments i don't say much, i dont smile much, i dont care much....but i feel much. In fact, I'm probably flowing with a river of several different emotions all at once. What do others do in this situation? I ask them to save their words for bettertimes because I'm usually voluntarily not listening. But, then there are some who just cant say no and try to just invade all of your thoughts. When you tell someone your feelings, there is trust in that situation. It's almost like holding your heart in your hand and letting them hold it for just that moment. I dont know about you, but I would find it hard to do that. When a person tries to know whats on my mind, I automatically put up my guard and block all access that could be available for that person. I do that because when a person is trying to know what I'm feeling I feel like they're taking something from me. Even if my feelings can bring me down, I still protect them because they are mine. I'm careful about who I tell my feelings to...so no I wont tell you unless you are very close to me. I may ask you what's on your mind, but you may be different from me. You may be able to allow others to know your feelings and it doesnt take much from you, but my thoughts brought me this far. I say its my problem not yours...they say 'but I'm trying to help you!!" Tell me, how are they helping me when I'll feel worse if i tell them whats really on my mind? On these days when you just cant seem to talk, laugh, crack a smile, tell a joke, look in a certain someone's directio...ask yourself whats on your mind. Maybe I can take my own advice and do the same. It could possibly help me. If i tell myself the problem, do you think I will be able to tell another with more comfort in the situation? I dont know, I've never tried. When I do, I'll let you know. So, whats on your mind? (come on u saw that coming)

End of Lecture

(class is dismissed lol)

short and sweet.




is she helpless? could be, lets look elsewhere

Lecture 1: love, hate and like

Define love. Dont expect me to give you a definition, i want you to define it for me. Yes, jealousy is the barrier between love and hate, destiny between life and fate, we've heard it all before. But what is love? Lets see it like this, when does like turn to love? I think its when jealousy arises from one when another is in the presence of he or she that is liked. But then again, love is bordered by hatred, hatred bordered by love, most act on instinct between the two and call it 'like'. They love some things about someone, then they hate some things. Question: When you love someone, dont you still hate some things about that person? Or, when you hate someone, is it because they do something that you love, or have something to do with something/someone you love? I know some who are in love, and others who are in love with the in love. I wonder if its just like a domino effect. In those cases, there is nothing to be done but let it be. When you're in, you're in I guess. I'm not in love, but i do love. My love is sheilded, protected. My heart is not on my sleeve (anymore) but there is hope for love. I admit i may fall one day...not saying soon, not saying far from now, but i may fall eventually. In fact, I know i will. Falling is actually scary, but some cant help but to do so. Remember, love is blind, yet light can be shone on it. Look for it and you will see it, dont think about it and you wont see a thing, just go on being blind. Besides, it wouldnt be my issue, would it? Love is found when your heart accepts one, when it would hurt to lose that person. I think love always exists underneath every situation. You can claim that you hate someone with a passion, yet there is still love. You love to hate that person. See Love's presence there? Hate is a very strong word (I'd prefer dislike) but if that is what one has for another there's love in that. Remember love is your stance, and you stand in it. But does love support you, or do you support the love?

End of Lecture

(this is not the best, but its only the first, so just bear with me for now. Thank you.)

psycho? nah, just bein myself i guess. different? slightly leanin in that direction, a bit further than that damn tower of Piza though, ya digg? unique? hell, thats different, right, but that term explains me more...UNIQUE. i do things, say things, wear things that are unique, i roll with ppl who are unique, i write about unique, i feel unique, i am unique. Right now, I'm just chillin in da cut as usual...to cut tha slang, I'm just sitting here doing nothing constructive with my time. Wait a minute, I'm on here, and if you call this being constructive, I'm alright then, right?
Confession: I love someone a whole lot
Confession: I'm not gonna tell you who it is
Confession: It's not who you think it is either
Anyway...I'm about to go...just wanted to introduce you to my new blog. Get at me people.